Saturday, December 08, 2007

Naked In Public

For a long time now I’ve been fighting an internal battle about what I post here. I started posting initially to ‘find my voice’ thinking that by forming the daily habit of writing, I could somehow make writing easier. I have a file folder on my computer full of fits and starts of pieces that fashioned themselves in my head and were able to meander their way out my fingers and onto the keyboard, but then, they failed to thrive past the series of filters I impose on what I actually put out there. This, in itself, is good – we all know there are just some things that don’t make good blog writing or reading. But then, there are some things in that file that probably are worth posting, only, they can’t seem to traverse the mine field of filters I herd them through.

The other day I was having a glass of wine after work with some fellow Realtors. Conversation, as it does, became animated, and I made a comment phrased very similarly to something I must have said that is posted here. One of my friends piped up and said “Oh by the way, I really enjoy reading your blog.” I stopped, my face grew red, and I had that naked-in-public feeling, gripped with the fear of what I may have posted, what I may have said in the pseudo anonymity of the Internet. Conversation stopped dead. “You have a blog?”

It's true, I've only told a select few that I have a blog … that I blog … that I write stuff and I throw it out there for anyone to see. I don’t know why I don’t tell other people I know. Most of them know that I write. Most of them know I’m tactless sometimes, and brutally honest all the time... hence the name Straight Up and Slightly Dirty. Although as Kwach and Ev over at Nowhere IL say, I’m not nearly dirty enough. Touche girls! Touche! The dream interpretation of naked-in-public is representative of vulnerability or shamefulness. Maybe I fear that people will see through to my true self and I will be exposed as a fraud or a phony. Maybe I fear that I'll be ridculed or disgraced, or worse - challenged on something I write! The truth is I’m not trying hard enough. I'm not courageous enough. And so my writing isn't good nor powerful. And that's not me, and it's certainly not why I take the time to write something, hit publish post and hope that some anonymous person will take the time to read it. That naked-in-public moment taught me a lesson.

Oddly enough, in my blog-surfing today I found a site where they encourage and celebrate good, powerful writing on the Internet/blogosphere, in fact, they award prizes! The name says it all - it's called Shameless Lions writing circle. It just made me think about all of the inspiring, good and powerful writers writing posts every day. Every one of them, shameless, truthful, courageous and naked-in-public.

11 comments:

Poppy Buxom said...

Great post! You're honest, and funny, and your blog loads quickly.

Me, I'm still working on that last one!

BipolarLawyerCook said...

You give yourself too little credit, my dear.

Mary Alice said...

I understand the naked in public feeling. I turn pink whenever someone says something about reading my blog too. I feel all modest and exposed.

Mrs. G. said...

I have parents come up to me all the time and lament that their children won't let them read their school papers. I try to reassure them that it's normal. That our writing makes us feel vulnerable in a way that few things do. It's true for us adults too, huh.

I haven't told many people about my blog (no one at work) but I have to assume that it is a matter of time until it is discovered...and it likely has already.

Great post. Thank you.

Grandy said...

I get it!! I have had someone bring up my blog in social gatherings as well, and I've only told a handful also. I agree with the others...Not dirty enough!! ;)

You keep up the good work, Linda!!!

Ev said...

Don't feel too bad. At our age and degree of busyness, we talk about sex more than we actually do it.

All I'm encouraging you to do is talk about it more. I'm nosy...I want to live vicariously through your fantasies!

(bTW...How lame do you have to be to steal other people's sex fantasies??)

coffespaz said...

Don't feel badly, in my opinion, as long as you are honest in your writing, you have nothing to worry about. I just suggest changing names or using nicknames when possible.

My blog was first knowingly discovered by my brother-in-law, who promptly called and told me that he found it! YIKES

Honestly though, from what I have read, you have nothing to be embarassed about.

Stacey (Sheeps Clothing) said...

Naked indeed.
I have a "what if my Nanna were to read it" filter that I run over my blog. Luckily my Nanna smokes 40 a day and swears like a truck driver.
I recently found some of my inlaws read my blog. Scary indeed. Looks like yet another filter I will need to apply.
I've only just found your blog, but I like what I see!!
PS: I blog in secret too. I very rarely tell people about it. Definitely a vulnerability thing.

Joyce said...

I am receiving the same when the word blog comes up in conversation. I am happy though when my girls read mine and make corrections.

In Christ's Joy

Anonymous said...

I made the mistake of telling someone I thought was a friend my blog address , he lurks and since he made creepy and filthy comments which I had to delete--well I am no longer friendly and wish I'd never...

Dreaming again said...

New reader, found you while blog surfing.

My blog is extremely public, but was rather shocked when my family found mine.

Thankfully, they find it rather boring and stay away.

I guess they were hoping I'd write about them more often.